I spuddle.

People hit this site for all sorts of reasons, most having to do with how Wes is a douchebag and Jake is vertically challenged.   Seriously, the most frequent hit on this site for a while as “How much does Jillian Harris weigh?” You are truly my peeps, because you love to hate The Bachelor franchise as much as I do and yet also wouldn’t miss an episode or at least a churlish recap, and also need more information than is strictly necessary.    

Or maybe you like to see clothes that I want.  I have no idea.

But other people hit this site completely by accident.  Like the person who innocently sat down at their computer and typed:

DO VAMPIRE’S GET ALZHEIMERS?

I know you weren’t asking me, but it did bring you to my website and frankly who is better equipped to answer this pressing query than me?

Answer:  Everybody.   I didn’t even FINISH Twilight.   I just flat out didn’t like it.

But that won’t stop me.   But before I answer, I’d like to point out that the apostrophe errors  in your question are really annoying.   WHY oh why do people put apostrophes in where they don’t belong?   I can understand accidentally missing one (sort of), but putting in extra ones is one of the most profound mysteries of our times.   I’m going to pitch a show to the Discovery Channel called, “THE EXTRA APOSTROPHE” where we will explore if it’s a genetic problem or just that no one paid attention in school and is overcompensating by just randomly strewing apostrophes around in the hopes of appearing to be smarter than they actually are.  

Memo to Apostrophe Abusers:   It isn’t working.    Stop it already.

But back to your question.   The answer is …

YES.

Of course vampires can get Alzheimer’s.   Vampires are just people with dirty hair who have been bitten by other vampires and then get all THIRSTY FOR BLOOD and sullen and glittery in the sunlight, right?    If they are people, which I think we can agree that they are, then they are just as susceptible to degenerative brain diseases as the rest of us.   I’d say that they were at particularly high risk for Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease, too, which is just mad cow with a fancier name, because aren’t they always running around farmers’ fields slurping the life out of innocent bovines?   Vampires are not immune!   So if you know a vampire who is starting to show signs of Alzheimer’s then I think you should talk to their doctor.   And FYI, just forgetting a lot isn’t really a sign, it’s more like if they forget how to get home to their crypt after a long day of blood sucking.    Or if they forget HOW, exactly, you are supposed to extract the blood from the victim.    More warning signs are here.    

Now excuse me, because I’m going to be over in the corner panicking for a while as I’m pretty sure I have every single one of those symptoms RIGHT NOW.   And I’m not even a vampire.

Filed under: Answers To Questions You Didn't Actually Ask