• I write books.

    I do! It's true. I have written for all sorts of different audiences. My first book was literary adult fiction and I've written many many books that have fallen into the category "juvenile fiction" and "YA fiction". I talk about my books and writing in general on my other site, which is at www.karenrivers.com. (I don't know how to make that a live link, so you may have to copy and paste.) (Sorry.) THIS site is about me, my hair, my kids, my appliances, and that time that I rode my bike down a cliff and then got stung by a bee. It may not all be appropriately awesome (or even slightly interesting) to kids, so if you are young, LOOK AWAY. That said, there is nothing harmful here, except the occasional swear, which I ask you to edit out with your eyes. Blink blink.

  • I take pictures.

    The Bun's Dance Show

    The Bun's Dance Show

    The Bun's Dance Show

    More Photos

  • Is it safe to eat raw bacon?

    No. You shouldn't eat any raw pork products. You could get trichinosis and no doubt a number of other food-borne illnesses. With the recent change in food safety standards, I'd frankly cook the crap out of any meat product I purchased before eating it. Even if it's already cooked. Seriously. Keep in mind that I am not a raw bacon expert, I just play one on the web.

  • I Flock

  • Categories

And now for more…. ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS YOU DIDN’T ACTUALLY ASK ME. The Hallowe’en Edition.

Posted on October 31st, 2009 by Karen

I was going to write a post called “Twitter is My Paxil” and then I sat down to do it and glanced at the search terms to land on this blog lately from Google and one of them was “What meat products are safe from vampires?” And being a WORLD CLASS EXPERT ON VAMPIRES*, I decided that pausing in my diatribe about social anxiety to address this v. important query was my RESPONSIBILITY as such. I mean, it sounds like a pressing question. You have a vampire problem, like maybe you’ve got some vampiric houseguests who are staying for the season AND you want to have some meat that the vampires (who aren’t even YOUR friends, but your some kind of relatives that you don’t even LIKE THEM that much) aren’t going to hog. I understand. Believe me.

So here is a short, sweet answer for you, my vampire-infested friend. Kosher meat. As far as I know, blood is drained from kosher meat before it is koshered. Kosherific. You know what I mean. So kosher meat is the way to go. No vampire in their right mind (though arguably there aren’t any vampires that ARE in their right mind**) would want bloodless meat. It’s also safe to serve to your Jewish friends, so that’s an additional plus. All other meat contains blood. Serve it to vampires at your own risk. And don’t come crying to me when the non-kosher burgers you serve up trigger some kind of insane feeding frenzy that results in your ENTIRE FAMILY INCLUDING THE FAMILY DOG becoming vampirified.

It’s just a matter of time before purveyors of kosher meat realize the gaping hole in the market for vampire-unfriendly meat and start marketing their meat to the vampire-unfriendly, too.

* I know nothing about vampires, except that I’m over them. OVER. THEM. I saw sixteen minutes of Twilight the other night and I didn’t get it. I don’t get. What is the allure? WHAT IS IT? Someone tell me already.

** This is not a slight against YOUR vampire friends, of course. Rather, it is just a flippant remark. Because guess what? VAMPIRES ARE NOT REAL AND THEREFORE WILL NOT EAT YOUR MEAT ANYWAY. I’m just saying.

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Filed under: Answers To Questions You Didn't Actually Ask

« NaNoWriMo, Baby. I Share Five Components Of My Book-To-Be. Steal It At Your Own Risk. Karma’s A Bitch, Dude. This Title Contains Both “Baby” and “Dude”. Who Am I? Twitter is My Paxil! Social Networking is a Blip! Spoof Sites are the New Blogs! One Of Those Statements is Ridiculous! »

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