I spuddle.

So in the last little while, I’ve been thinking about karma and luck and all other impossible-to-measure and are-they-really-real things that we — meaning “I” — use to provide rationale for why my life is either going swimmingly thank you very much or whether it’s repeatedly stabbing me with a sharp pin in the eyelid.

To make a long story shorter than 1000 words, yesterday we went downtown to buy The Stepson’s birthday present.   We parked the car, got out, walked a few blocks, did a bunch of shopping, bought something really incredibly unique that I’ll tell you about after his birthday that we think he’ll either triple-whammy LOVE or he’ll loathe so intensely that if his loathing could be bottled it would be sold by Monsanto to kill unwanted weeds and also most wildlife in the vicinity — including some really cute and waterproof sneakers for yours truly for only $17 (regular $70!).   But when we went to pay, I realized my wallet was not in my purse.  What?  Where was it?   Suddenly with absolute crystal-clear clarity — the same kind of clarity that I have right before I get a speeding ticket — I realized that it was on my lap when I got out of the car and likely fell off and into the gutter beside the car and was probably stolen and all my credit cards would be rung up to the top and my i.d. would be used to transport terrorists to North America who would then perform deeds so outlandishly awful under my name that for the rest of my life I’d be outcast and universally abhorred EVEN THOUGH IT WASN’T MY FAULT.   I mean, obviously.   We wandered back to the car, because “sprinting” is not an option when you have hungry, tired toddlers, and lo THERE WAS MY WALLET IN THE GUTTER BESIDE THE CAR.   It was wet, but otherwise unharmed.

I should add that this is the second time I’ve dropped my wallet in a crowd and had it NOT GET STOLEN.   That is some serious luck.   But… am I wasting all my good luck on the fact that I’m somehow incapable of holding on to my money?   Why could my good luck not be applied elsewhere, like in my career and my bank account?   For example?   I’m just wondering out loud here, Universe.    JUST THINKING OUT LOUD.   I’m willing to bet that James Patterson does not drop his wallet, like EVER, and now he has a 17-book deal with Hachette.   Which is not just good luck or good karma, I know I KNOW, it’s hard work and talent and marketing genius and also, yes, ALSO there is some kind of dollop of luck involved.   There has to be.

Every once in a while, I think that maybe in my last life (and no, I don’t really believe in that except when I do), I just wasn’t that nice, or I WAS nice but then every once in a while I’d randomly punch someone softly on the nose or maybe kick them ever so gently on the belly and not really hurt them, but startle them enough that maybe they’d cry or even pee a little.   So now, in this life, I can be wandering along and pretty OK and mostly happy and finding my wallet in the gutter and then BAM, the Universe goes, “OK, enough of that, take this unpleasant and not-damaging but still-shocking poke between the ribs with the blunt end of a pencil.   Have a nice day!”

Hey, look at that, it’s a short post.    Well, back to work.   After all, luck does not come along without a big push from a whole lot of hard work.   Well, unless it’s a lottery win and it can’t be considered work to just go BUY A TICKET, right?   So actually, I take it back, sometimes luck is just sitting there and if you happen to come along, you can just pluck it up.   But that’s a whole different thing.

Filed under: Me, Myself and I, Random Story of The Day