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    I do! It's true. I have written for all sorts of different audiences. My first book was literary adult fiction and I've written many many books that have fallen into the category "juvenile fiction" and "YA fiction". I talk about my books and writing in general on my other site, which is at www.karenrivers.com. (I don't know how to make that a live link, so you may have to copy and paste.) (Sorry.) THIS site is about me, my hair, my kids, my appliances, and that time that I rode my bike down a cliff and then got stung by a bee. It may not all be appropriately awesome (or even slightly interesting) to kids, so if you are young, LOOK AWAY. That said, there is nothing harmful here, except the occasional swear, which I ask you to edit out with your eyes. Blink blink.

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    No. You shouldn't eat any raw pork products. You could get trichinosis and no doubt a number of other food-borne illnesses. With the recent change in food safety standards, I'd frankly cook the crap out of any meat product I purchased before eating it. Even if it's already cooked. Seriously. Keep in mind that I am not a raw bacon expert, I just play one on the web.

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And Then Twitter Told Me That I Was A Big, Huge LOSER And That No One Really Likes Me.

Posted on August 30th, 2009 by Karen

So there I am, innocently following people on Twitter — literary agents, specifically, because I’m looking for a new one who is more suited for the kinds of books I’m writing right now than my former agent (and honestly I think that following people on Twitter gives you excellent insight into the person or at least a glimmer of who they are and what interests them and how much attention they pay to social media and if they are likely to RT something annoying about Michael Jackson or bizarre lies about how US healthcare reform KILLS BABIES)(both topics I find infuriating) — when BAM suddenly I get a pop up from Twitter saying that I’m NOT ALLOWED TO FOLLOW ANY MORE PEOPLE.   Wha_  UP?

So naturally I click the little link that says, “Click here to find out why you can’t follow any more people!”   and it takes me to this very perplexing page that contradicts itself a number of times but effectively says that you (or in this case, me) follow more people than follow me back and this makes me SOCIALLY UNACCEPTABLE and GROTESQUELY NEEDY and NO ONE WILL WANT TO FOLLOW ME BACK WHEN THEY SEE THE DISPARITY IN MY FOLLOWING AND FOLLOWER NUMBERS  and also I AM REPELLANT TO ALL HUMANS.    In fact, it goes on to say, I’m likely not even human, but rather a SPAMBOT.    It didn’t use those exact words, but that was the gist of it.   It went on and on, talking about how Twitter is a social media platform but it can be a one-way or a two-way street or even a SUPERHIGHWAY or just a country lane or a path in the woods or some other metaphor stretching.   And, it points out, your followings should match up with your followers or really, you’re just a wannabe, aren’t you?   SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO BE LOVED BUT IS NOT.

And that hurt my feelings, people.   It did.    See I wear a lot of hats:   I’m a blogger, so I follow all the bloggers whose blogs I read (which is a lot) and many of them are popular bloggers who don’t follow anyone but their mum and their three best friends from junior high.    I’m a writer and I follow masses of other writers because writing is kinda lonely and it’s nice to pop into Twitter and see that some stranger who you do not know is on page two hundred of her second draft or someone famous who you really like is stuck on some edits that are making her crazy or any number of other things like that, deals signed and deals rejected and successes and failures and basically LIFE.    THEN I also follow effectively every publisher because I like to see their little droplets of news.    And I follow bookstores — all the bookstores who follow me, absolutely — plus every other bookstore I come across because I LOVE bookstores and I want to follow them and support them and put them in my pocket and make them into my pet rocks, except pet rocks who sell books, beautiful lovely books.    I ALSO follow publicists who work with publishers and writers.  I follow editors, librarians and teachers because they are my PEEPS.    And I follow people who I just happen to know and like and want to sign into Twitter when I’m frustrated with my day or the kids are hurting my knees with their teeth and see what EVERYONE is doing.   I’ll admit it, I also follow Kevin Spacey.

And now this.   Twitter tells me that I CANNOT POSSIBLY FOLLOW WHAT 2000 PEOPLE ARE DOING so if I CARE what 2001 people are doing, I can manually search for that next one person and see what they’re up to.   But Twitter doesn’t understand, which is shocking considering the runaway success of their product — I DON’T WANT TO SEARCH FOR INDIVIDUALS.   I go to Twitter for a quick blast of whatever random assortment of my 2000 followees pop up on my screen at any given time.    And if I want to go there for whatever random assortment of 3000 followees or 100000 followees, isn’t that my problem?   A lot of these places, like say, THE NEW YORK TIMES, do not follow you back.    I don’t take it personally, well not very often.   But Twitter, in their help files, tells me that it is personal.   That they do not follow ME because *I* suck.   And no one likes me.   The worms are out back if I want to go EAT THEM.    (That’s from a childhood rhyme, I’m not totally insane, in case you’re wondering).

So it’s not a one way street, is it Twitter?  Because you are saying on the one hand, it IS a one way street but on the OTHER HAND, apparently only losers and spambots drive on this street.   All the cool kids are on a two-way street with multiple lanes and good hair and damn it, people LIKE THEM.

My point is that Twitter is wrong and I am right.   I am not a loser, baby!   Do not kill me.

Please.

And if I unfollow you, don’t take it personally.   It isn’t personal, I just need to clear some room on my limited list so that I can add someone whose updates I can’t live without.    I don’t know who that is yet, but it could happen.

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Filed under: Me, Myself and I

« Five Thing Friday is Eating My Brain or Maybe I Have a Brain Wasting Disease such as Mad Cow or Maybe My Brain Is Actually Just Fine, Did You Ever Think Of That? So then there was the preschool picnic. »

5 Responses to “And Then Twitter Told Me That I Was A Big, Huge LOSER And That No One Really Likes Me.”

  1. clayton, on August 30th, 2009 at 10:19 pm Said:

    this is a real design flaw. i have alerted the authorities.

  2. Karen, on August 30th, 2009 at 10:26 pm Said:

    Thank you for your support, honey. I appreciate it.

  3. Catherine Novak, on September 1st, 2009 at 3:22 pm Said:

    This clearly calls for a “Follow @karenrivers” campaign. If I could give you some of my followers (I’ve got lots) I would – only it doesn’t work that way, and I’m afraid that I would still keep the best ones for myself, like a kid trading Pokemon cards on the playground.

    So the answer is to ask your best Twitter friends to sing your praises, and give you Follow Friday love, even when it isn’t a Friday. You only need to close that gap to about 10% more “following” than “followers” and after that you’ll be in the clear. That’s another 700 followers, but you have better tweets than the average. :-)

    And once you can follow more people, feel free to add me if you want to read about local stuff, or get social media “how-tos” from a friendly source.

  4. Karen, on September 3rd, 2009 at 11:57 am Said:

    Thank you! :)

  5. volumeno, on September 9th, 2009 at 9:40 am Said:

    What is Twitter and How Can I Use Twitter?

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