I spuddle.

The beauty of owning your own blog and whatnot is that no one really minds if you do Five Thing Friday on Friday or not (or at all) (or only sometimes) and that’s just the kind of girl I am, an “only sometimes” and a “when I remember” type.    And lo, it IS Friday and lo, I AM blogging, but very quickly because I also have 100,000 other things I need to get done by 2:00 pm because we are packing up the camper and heading out into the wilds.    Good luck, me.

Today I bring you… five blogs that I almost always read.    I do not know any of these people, not in “real life” and they don’t know me from Adam, although they’d probably know that I’m not Adam, what with the fact that I’m, you know, a girl.   Is that a sexist saying?   Bloody bigots, aren’t they?   And I’m referring to the “they” that make up all the sayings that I use indiscriminately without ever wondering what they mean because actually I don’t care that much, I just like to sound pithy and it’s often easier to sound pithy by using an overused phrase than by being clever yourself.

Speaking of bigotry, which we weren’t, but who cares?  This story is not about bigotry because my kid is not a bigot, he would have no idea even what that means and this story doesn’t have any bigotry in it, I just jumped from bigotry to this story about an elderly guy from India, I suppose because it’s about how kids are just not bigoted, they care about more important things, like hockey, but I’m getting ahead of myself, which I always do.

So.

There we were in the car driving along the other day and we pulled up at a stoplight next to a van being driven by an elderly guy who was obviously from India (turban, long grey beard).    The Bun was shouting, “HI!” out the window because that’s what he does at stoplights and the guy waved and it was all very nice and then The Bun said, “WHERE ARE YOU FROM?” which  the guy couldn’t hear nor probably understand, not because of his nationality but because The Bun has a way of shouting questions all in one word such that only I can decipher them, and also he was in a different car and his radio was on and it was windy.   Lucky for the old guy, the light changed and he could escape this awkward shouted conversation, but The Bun was stuck on the topic.

“WHERE IS HE FROM?”

“Well, my guess would be India, but he may have been here for a long time, he wears that turban because of his religious beliefs.”  Silence.

“HOW DID HE GET HERE?”

“Probably on a plane or maybe even a boat, I don’t really know.”

Silence.   Much thinking.   Finger tapping.   “BUT WHO DOES HE CHEER FOR IN HOCKEY?”

So there was that.   That’s the whole story.   I’m kind of wishing it had a better punchline now.

Which reminds me of something else unrelated to Five Thing Friday but still funny, because those kids say the darndest things, don’t they?   Well, OTHER people’s kids, not so much, but MY kids, holy cuteness.   You’ve got to hear!   Listen!   Aren’t they the BEST?   Get this:   The Bun thinks that his poops are actually “pupaes” and that they will turn into beautiful butterflies in the, er, sewer, I guess (although the specifics are glossed over).  Every time he poops, he makes The Birdy come and look and they stand over the potty and say, “BEEEOOOOTIFUL BUTTERFLY!   BEEOOOOOTIFUL!” (The Birdy) and “Look, Birdy, those pupaes are going to get their own chrysalis!  Can you say, chrysalis, Birdy?  Say it!   Say it!” (The Bun).   It’s the most hilariously awesome thing ever and I’m not going to correct him because it’s TOO GOOD.    Beautiful!   Butterflies!

Enough of that.   On to the blogs.    Five that I read and like.    You should read them, too.

1.  Notes From the Trenches

Chris has seven kids.    I think.   They are all gorgeous and she takes phenomenal pictures and I’ve been reading her for so long that I feel like she’s my good friend when, in fact, she wouldn’t be able to pick me out of a lineup.    But who cares?   Her blog is great, although that post about the vomit made me throw up a bit into the back of my mouth, there it happened again just when I typed that.

2.  Sweet Salty

Kate’s first book is just coming out and it looks fabulous and when I first read this blog I cried so hard I thought I might hurt myself, it’s so beautifully written and, well, lovely.    Her book is going to be lovely, too, so you should buy it.   I know that I will.

3.  The Bloggess

I just stumbled on this one by accident the other day and I laughed and laughed and then read bits of it out loud and laughed some more and then laughed again.   This girl?   She is The Funny.   She also has an advice column and her advice needs to be in a book that you can carry with you to read bits of it out loud to everyone even if the people are running away from you as you shout after them down the street, “BUT LISTEN!  IT’S SO FUNNY!”

4.  Pudding and the Paper Bag Post Fab Princess

I’ve just realized that this is more like a list of the last five blogs I read, as opposed to MY TOP FIVE OF ALL TIME because I’ve only read this one once and I don’t know how I found it, probably searching some kind of JCrew clothing, which I buy a lot of (FINAL SALE, PEOPLE) and if you, too, buy JCrew you will find nothing more amusing in the WORLD* than her JCrew math.

5. The Typing Makes Me Sound Busy

Honestly, sometimes I’m reading this and I’ve been reading it for so long that I feel like J-Money is my sister and then I’ll be talking to my actual sister and I’ll reference something that J-Money did that’s nothing to do with my sister and I’ll realize that I’ve confused my sister and J-Money because I probably know more about this girl’s life than my sister’s life because, well, she writes it down.   And I read it.

As I was making this list, I began to feel very disloyal to all the other blogs I read regularly and the people who I pretend, in my head, are my friends even when they’re not and if they met me at BlogHer (which I wasn’t at and will likely never go to, see: Social Anxiety) they’d probably hate me and I say this only because all the BlogHer posts I’ve been reading since BlogHer ‘09 are making me anxious because there are clearly Cool Kids and Not Cool Kids and it makes me think of highschool which fills me with nerves and angst and what if the Cool Kids didn’t like me and I was relegated to the sidelines and no one knew (or cared) who I was and I didn’t get to go to any of the cool parties and my hair didn’t look good and my jeans made my ass look fat and I accidentally blurted something strange which made it seem like maybe I had Tourettes and THEN WHAT?

Oh sweet stepmother of God, I’m late.     And…. I’m out.

*exaggerated for dramatic effect

Filed under: Five Thing Friday