I spuddle.

In case you’ve forgotten, and I’m sure you haven’t, this is where I list five good things that have graced my life such that it doesn’t sound like I’m constantly whining.   No one likes someone who whines constantly.   Although you still like me, right?   RIGHT?

1.  This is my first post on my new website which looks exactly like my old website but is not the same, trust me, it’s all different back here in administrative land and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it scares me because why can’t I understand these simple instructions?   Is there something wrong with ME?   Or is it YOU?   That’s what I’m wondering, really.   If I can blame you.   But I can’t really blame anyone because I wanted to make this change and so some really nice people helped me to do it and it’s not their fault that I’m afraid of change and of sharks and of that funny lump that’s just developed behind my ear.   (What is that?   Some kind of ear cancer?   That’s what I need to know.)    Long story short:  new website!   That looks the same!

Update:   The strangest thing just happened.   What is it?  You ask.   Well, I’ll tell you.   I sneezed.   No, I didn’t pee.   Yes, it did hurt my back.   But simultaneously, I whacked the keyboard with my left hand and now my screen is ENTIRELY DIFFERENT.   But honestly, I like it better.   That’s like Instant Grace.   Thanks, Universe.

2.   I got to hold a brand new baby this week and by brand new, I mean really really new, fresh from the baby belly.    OH, so cute.   Tiny!  It’s impossible to hold a brand new baby without exclaiming repeatedly about how TINY!   How small the hands are!   Tiny!   And did I mention, OMG, so tiny!   And if the baby has hair, which this baby does, also the HAIR!   The baby has hair!  You can hear yourself saying these things and you know everyone is saying the exact same thing but you can’t help yourself because the darling little thing is so damn TINY!   And HAIRY!   Awesome.   Love the baby.   Smooch to the new baby.    Hi Lucy!   Lucy is an adorable name and also one of the names that we had thought about for The Birdy so extra smooch for an extra cute name.   Clayton says I smooch too much on the internet.   Sorry Clayton.   Smooch.   It’s like a tic.   I can’t help it.

3.  Four years plus a few months ago I was super-extra pregnant with The Bun and I was turning on the shower and the phone rang and I turned around to answer the phone and I put my back out in such a way that I was completely paralyzed and absolutely could not move, period, full stop.   Which sucked SO BADLY, you have no idea.   Being nine months pregnant and unable to move when everyone knows that all you do at nine months is pee and then sit down and then get up to pee some more, and then sit, and then eat a bag of easter candy and then pee and then sit.   When you are immobile, you’re limited to the easter candy and still you need to pee but can’t.   To make a long story slightly less long, I’ll skip to the part where I went into the hospital by ambulance because HELLO, I COULDN’T GET UP TO PEE, and when I got to the hospital the nurses mocked my suggestion that they check to see if maybe in addition to the back problem, a baby was about to come out.   They laughed about it in the hall!  Oh, she’s so funny!   Except, ha, I wasn’t wrong, was I?   My point is that during my stay there, I was reading a book and it was really funny and for four years I’ve been trying to remember what that book was and twice have bought books which were not the right book but had similar covers and it’s been driving me crazy, not on a daily basis, but when I think about it.   And yesterday, someone posted something on a message board that I read and it linked to THE BOOK.   So I can check one thing off the list of things that regularly make me crazy.   If you’re wondering, the book was Hypocrite in a Poufy White Dress.    I remember it being funny, but I’ve just ordered it (I think it was a library book the first time or I loaned it to someone who didn’t give it back) so that I can see if it was really funny or if I was just high from back pain and also BEING IN LABOUR because yes, my water broke while I was reading this book.

4.  Really famous writer Joe Finder joined my fan page on Facebook mostly because I joined his fan page and then told him he had to join mine because everyone knows that fanning is reciprocal or else bad karma will befall the non-reciprocator (only I didn’t say that because it was just a Twitter thing so I said, “Hey, I joined yours, now you join mine” but the idea is the same) and it makes me look much more legitimate when famous NYT best selling authors join my fan page.    It also reminds me that I am not a famous NYT best selling author and what if I never am a NYT best selling author and no one ever buys a book from me ever again and I die a failure and alone and am eaten by sharks?   Could happen.

5.  All the other things I can think of are actually Whines wrapped up in Graceful Spuddles so that it doesn’t appear that I’m whining when really I am.   Surely I can think of another good thing.   Can I?   Something?   Anything?   Bueller?

Oh, OK.   The laughter of the kids.   The hysterical, happy fun they have together, right before one of them falls over and starts screaming about how he wants the police to come and tear down this house so he never has to take anther step in it again.   But all that shrieking and laughing is awesome, except maybe the shrieking could stand to have a little less volume.   And please, NOT at the top of the steep wooden stairs.   Yesterday they were shrieking and laughing at the top of the steep wooden stairs and running in and out of each other’s rooms and slamming doors (which is a recipe for finger squashing but that didn’t happen so that’s a good thing) and somehow all that door slamming fixed the door to The Birdy’s room which has been warped and uncloseable since we moved in, so that’s a good thing.   Right there.

The End.

Filed under: Grace in Small Things